No Energy

No this isn't about gas prices, renewable energy, carbon tax or anything like that. ( it is not even about grammar as my editor is at work)This is about resilience and stamina.

I've just finished round 4 of 6 with the Chemo and as with all of the others this one was the same but different. It starts the same as all of the other, check in, blood work, Oncologist then Chemo. So far so good. We did add a new twist, a chest x-ray.  I have been have trouble breathing, to the point that I have used my rescue inhaler more in the last 12 weeks than in the last 5 years. Just to push 6 buggies into the store would cause me to lose breath and get headaches. It was possible that I was getting a fluid build up around the lungs, but probably all my strength has gone to fight the drug invasion and left my lungs allowing the asthma to make a occurrence. The x-ray proved negative so asthma it is.

Tuesday evening was normal, sleep, wake up middle of night as the Benadryl wears off, after a couple of hours go back to bed.

Wednesday, drive Beth to work; go home have a nap,  do bugger all; have another nap, prep dinner, pick up Beth, have another nap, go to choral group practise, sing for an hour and half,  go home fall asleep watching TV.

Thursday, wondering why I have taken the week off, starting to loose all taste again ( except for a metallic taste a kin to fresh fillings in your teeth). I decide maybe a little therapeutic gardening is in order. Get the rotor-tiller out , till the veg patch (1/2 hour). Well that took so much energy out of me out was out of commission for over two hours and that was new. Also I was so over heated and unusually so for even as hot as it was that I need a shower to cool down. So being the pigheaded red head ( or use to be) that  I am was I was refreshed and feeling good so I thought I would change the lawn mower blade, which lead to an oil change, a cleaning of the air filter, tuning up an oil filled engine, all in told 20 minutes and another hour and a half nap. So much for doing anything else this day.

Friday,  I figured out that I needed a new air filter for this 20 year old mower. Off to find it, now this shouldn't be too hard except, not at Lowes, Rona, Home Depot, the repair shop I bought the mower nor the dealership the repair shop sent me too or Canadian Tire. Home again it is and another nap. Mid afternoon, after 20 minutes with Briggs and Stratton, 10 minutes with a dealer referral centre and an hour on the Internet, I find that just up the road in the middle of all the places i went to is the only place i hadn't tried and yes they carry the filter. Home again, 40 minutes to cut the grass front and back and wow I almost didn't make it with out a rest. This is something new, normally I'm go go go, 6 hours of sleep and maybe a 10 minute kip after supper. To be constantly out of breath, no stamina, little strength, and little ambition all at the same time is taking some getting used to. Yes they said to expect this, Yes everyone tells me to slow down, Yes there should be more Bill time and Yes I ignored it all until all reserves are gone.  Daniel is not feeling well so Beth and I go over and sit for a couple of hours so the kids can do some grocery shopping. Watch the grandson, listen to the ball game go home and crash.


Saturday, Beth isn't going to get much of a Mother's Day as we are celebrating my Mother's 80th on Sunday, so I decide to take her greenhousing. For the next 7 hours we drove from Mt. Brydges along #2 through to Chatham and down to Blenheim and back along #3. We found our favourite spots, and a lovely breakfast/lunch diner in Thamesville. On the way home we stopped in to work and did the grocery shopping, got home and boy I was knackered. Who would have thought that driving would take that much out of you. We had a late dinner, then a movie with the "major" who popped by.


Sunday, slept in to 7:15, no dogs whining to be going for  a walk.  Come back breakfast on the deck, off to church. Long day, practice singing for the service, finish service, clean-up coffee and get ready for Mom's do, Mom's drop-in and then off to her birthday dinner. Home by 7:30 and zone out for the  evening. Why am I so tired?!


Monday, trying to get back to normal, from this point until the next session everyday from the last session is a better day, strength is coming back. After the school breakfast club, Morag and I try to golf. I say try as it is the first of the season, I haven't the strength to walk the nine holes and my hands still won't full close, But it was a day out. Came home and yes you guessed it, had a nap. Later in the afternoon I was able to prep the trailer and load the kayak for the weekend. Didn't have to take the inhaler for the first time since the chemo, perhaps we are rebounding after all. Tomorrow off to work and perhaps a movie on cheap Tuesday.


I must say that one of the other things I notice is that I find it even harder than before to stay focused on tasks and energy levels still haven't gotten beyond a 60% level yet but as I read this I didn't need a morning nap so maybe I'm closer to 70% today.  I'm  grateful for this proactive approach to treatment and it gives me a new perspective on life and those people who have to take this treatment as a reactive approach.


LIFE IS ALWAYS BETTER WHEN YOU CAN LOOK DOWN AT THE GRASS AND NOT UP AT THE GRASS

Bill/Dad/Grandad/Uncle/Mother Goose/friend