GOD Moments

Today was the second of six chemotherapy sessions and things went relatively well. I was a little late getting into the session for whatever reason, drug not ready, not enough beds or chairs , perhaps staff was low due to lunch, it matters not, it was only 20 minutes late and it wasn't like I needed to be anywhere. 😏 I still have to wear the cold pack mittens and slippers making page turning all but impossible.

I found a new way to keep this ADHD body occupied during the 2 hour process. At first I thought about an audio book, then about radio stories (Afghanada from CBC) and then it dawned on me, I have digital movies I own and can watch. So in go the ear plugs up goes the volume and bring on the movie, mindless unrealistic violence, good vs bad, yup, sounds like either, Bourne, Transformers, Bond or X-men. X-men won and I settled back to enjoy the movie sans popcorn.

Today was an emotional draining day but one full of GOD moments. Not all were positive but all were messages either something I needed to hear, someone I needed to console or something I needed to learn.

It started yesterday actually, when I got a text that a friend of my son and a member of the board I sit on was telling me that her husbands sister has stage 4 cancer with a maximum of five years to live.

Today, I met an old boss, one who I have held a grudge against for what I believe was the way I was treated and wronged, he has bone cancer. He has been building strength and has become a great candidate for stem cell replacement. He will never be rid of the cancer but his prognosis is good for a long remission.

I also met an old colleague and friend. Her daughter has stage 4 cancer that has moved to the lymph nodes, her prognosis isn't as good, she is terminal with no true sense of time left. While we exchanged hugs and handshakes and talked a little about this evil, I couldn't believe the peace the daughter had knowing how things are going to be.

Finally I learned of a young child, a friend of my Uncle's family, who passed away after a long, protracted and sometimes painful fight with cancer. I never met this young lady, I knew of her through fundraising, Facebook posts and updates from my family. This really hurts when someone so young, so full of life and so upbeat with her condition succumbs to this evil called CANCER.

So you talk to those you can offer comforting words and empathy coming from the perspective of some one living and dealing with cancer. But who do I talk to, my God , yup, my wife, my friends both bestties, work and church, yup being open with any one who asks, yup, talking with the one other person i know who is also terminal and being able to compare experiences and our faith. But sometimes that is not enough.
 
Two friends sent letters this week.
Pat sent me a verse and picture as a healing Talisman. His love and thoughtfulness has always been appreciated.and his timing impeccable.

However when I got home today there was a letter from Lynn who had came upon an inspirational note I passed to fellow leaders some 16 years ago one I had received from a fellow leader and thought I should share. Lynn felt that I needed a copy of this email. I don't know whether she knows of my cancer, we don't communicate much anymore but when I re-read the note I found that it was just what I needed. In fact the message is so important that I am going to share it here:

                                         Shake it off and step up 

by Joseph Sica

           Once upon a time there was a farmer who had an old mule. The mule fell into a deep dry well and began to cry loudly. Hearing his mule cry, the farmer came over and assessed the situation. The well was deep and the mule was heavy. He knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the animal out. Because the mule was old and the well was dry, the farmer decided to bury the animal in the well. In this way he could solve two problems: put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled. 

          He called upon his neighbors to help him and they agreed to help. To work they went. Shovel full of dirt after shovel full of dirt began to fall on the mule’s back. He became hysterical. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel full of dirt on his back he could shake it off and step up. Shovel full after shovel full, the mule would shake it off and step up. Now exhausted and dirty, but quite alive, the mule stepped over the top of the well and walked through the crowd.

          A great attitude. A great way to approach life. Shake it off and step up. Too often we hold on to what has happened to us. We hold on to it for a week, a month, even years. We cannot shake it loose from our memory. It eats away at us and steals our joy, happiness and peace of mind. The past hurt can create feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger and revenge. We keep allowing these emotions to be thrown on our backs and if we do nothing, we will be buried deep in the well. Walls will be built in our relationships. We will avoid each other and the cold war begins.

          But, we have a choice: keep it inside and embrace the hurt or shake it off and step up. Give it a try. Shake it off and step up. Words that have been said or actions that have been dose, shake it off and step up. Let it go. Whatever it is: a rude comment, a past mistake, being ignored, we can stew over it all week. It occupies us all the time. Too often we nurse hurts, we keep them alive inside and go over them time and time again; not only stewing from them, but now chewing them over and over until it gets us sick. Too often we rehearse hurts, tell everyone what has happened to us.

        The cure is to accept what has happened, try to make sense out of it, learn from it, then shake it off and step up. When you let it go you feel free and you are no longer buried in the well. Once you are on your feet again you can take some action. You decide where you want to grow in life, the direction you want your life to take. You decide whether you will allow the hurt to make you a bitter or a better person. Learn from it. Emerge stronger.

        THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity...THE ADVERSITIES THAT COME ALONG TO BURY US USUALLY HAVE WITHIN THEM THE POTENTIAL TO BENEFIT AND BLESS US.          Remember that FORGIVENESS --FAITH--PRAYER-- PRAISE and HOPE...all are excellent ways to "SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP" out of the wells in which we find ourselves!


Submitted by  Joseph Sica
January 2001

Not all of you believe in GOD, or in GOD moments but I do. Most know of my faith journey and how it got ramped up after a personal message delivered to me by GOD some 20 years ago. Today through meeting these people and interacting with their struggles and then getting the letter from Lynn; GOD certainly was speaking to me and here is what he said:

SHAKE IT OFF BILL, STEP UP AND BE THAT SHINNING LIGHT USE THAT FAITH, PRAISE HOPE AND PRAYER AND MOST OF ALL FORGIVE, FORGIVE ALL OF THOSE TRANSGRESSIONS, THOSE WHO HAVE HURT YOU AND THOSE YOU HAVE HURT.

What's in a title.

As I it down to write this blog today, several titles came to mind;  WHAT IS OLD IS NEW, HERE WE GO AGAIN, SHED NO TEARS but nothing seemed to fit the story.


In early December I had a routine  appointment with my cancer clinc Nurse Practitioner and the news wasn't good. My PSA, the test that kind of indicates how fast the Prostate Cancer is growing, numbers were up and they were growing at an alarming rate. Also scans indicated that I had more cancer movement on my bones, but at this point in time it is leaving my organs alone.What this meant among the obvious was that the $4,000 per month pills were not doing their job. Now these pills were never meant forever, in fact they loose their effectiveness eventually but the hope was several years not less than  months.

I was then referred back to my Oncologist who came up with basically two therapies we can go to at this point.
Therapy One: Intravenous Chemotherapy, worked before, we know how my body reacted to the toxins, but it is aggressive and attacks everything in your body.
Therapy Two: Intravenous radiation: less side effects, targets the cancer on my bones only but we don't know how my body will react.
The Dr. gave us the information we needed to make a decision, told us to go home have a great Christmas and we would see him in January. Back in January we went and the Oncologist who was leaning towards the intravenous radiation therapy was actually now recommending Chemo again. In the month off after reviewing his files, my health and the fact I have virtually no symptoms Chemo made more sense now and then the other therapy later if needed. Our next question was when do you want to start the Chemo and the Dr.'s answer was " next week and oh by the way I don't want you to work this time while taking the Chemo so you are going to take the next 5-6 months off.

So the journey continues, I have great and loving family, friends and church community. The first session is in the book and now to set up a routine. Life is good.

As before I'll keep this blog going at least for the life of this session and perhaps some more random thoughts will get jotted down while I'm off.

Normally I don't dedicate these Random thoughts to anything or anyone, but Leslie, a friend, lost her Mom over the weekend and the memorial was Tuesday during my Chemo. My thoughts were with you friend sorry I couldn't be there to share Len's Celebration of Life.